K(Qu)illing Boredom 😁

After a long time , tried quilling. Let me know your feedback 😊

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8 Things To Do To Have Right Impact Of #metoo

#metoo is trending in India, going viral on social media has its own consequences. Though this movement started with noble intentions, over the time, it’s getting misinterpreted and misused. I am sharing to do list which I personally think will help to have right impact of #metoo.

  1. #metoo started with women sharing sexual assaults done by men, which went viral showing magnitude of the issue. However let’s not bind #metoo to particular gender. I request all the victims of sexual assault, irrespective of their gender to come out and share their story. Though in most of the cases women get assaulted by men, because our society has given men privileges, allowing them to see women as sex tools rather than as a human being; this is not true for all cases. Men also have been harassed and it is also difficult for them to openly talk about it. As we are in age of gender equality and we are able to identify and accept humans with different sexual orientation now, I want all victims to come out against all abusers, irrespective of gender of both of them.
  2. Let’s believe survivors and not dismiss their stories. It is important to listen to them, as it is first step to start investigation of wrong doing.  This way only, we can build courage in victims that they can speak. #metoo #believeSurvivor
  3. Just listening to victims is not enough, taking actions against abusers is important. This will send message to all that such crimes will not be tolerated any more. I request victims to seek legal help and government to take strict actions against abusers.
  4. To the people falsely accusing others of harassment, please Don’t. This will damage the noble cause of #metoo in worst way, as people will lose trust in victims and victim blaming will start again. Our society took years to reach at this point where victims are able to speak and more than half of the population is supporting them.
  5. Our Law is based on “Innocent until proven guilty”. Let’s just not assume accused is guilty unless it has been proven by proper investigation. This is as important as listening to survivors. Assuming accused is guilty, harms their reputation in society which again affects their professional & personal life.
  6. If you know about sexual assaults that had happened or if you are witness to one, please come out in support of victims. Even if you were not at the receiving end of this cruel crime, it doesn’t mean you or your loved one will not be in that situation ever. There could be legitimate reasons for your silence over years, but this is the time you could compensate for your silence and speak for survivors.
  7. There is group of people ignoring #metoo movement because they are neither abusers nor victims. Someone has said Ignorance is Bliss”, but it does not fit here. Even if you are not Abuser or survivor or witness, do contribute to #metoo. How? Extend your support to victims, correct people surround you who don’t seem to understand #metoo or impact of it on coming generations and our society. Being idle and not adding value to society is not something great.
  8. Last but not least, to all, do not let this flame die. Keep speaking, keep raising your voice, keep supporting and keep discussing on this in your circle of people. Change your perspective, change others perspective, at least try to do so. Spread awareness to make our society safer.

 

I understand how #metoo sounds perfect theoretically but fail at many levels in real. It is storm currently which is kind of hurting  almost everyone, as victims are speaking they are reliving their pain, accused are also get hurt as we people jump to judgments  without knowing complete truth.  As all of this is happening on social media publicly, accused person’s personal and professional life gets damaged even for the less aggressive crime or casual-verbal harassment. Fear has spread in men and women, which again divide them more. All of this is painful to go through, but I believe that this is for betterment for all of us.  And if we are in our right mind and follow few things mentioned as above to not hurt anyone anymore, #metoo can have strong, permanent and positive impact on the society.

#metoo #believeSurvivor

In the light of #metoo movement trending on social media, I have found few people wondering and counter questioning survivor’s story just because they took years to come out or because they belong to Bollywood. As a person who dreams of society where gender equality exists, I am very hurt by such comments. I agree and realize that everyone is entitled to have and express their opinion; however I am trying to share few things here in hope that after reading, they could see what they are missing. Something is wrong with their opinion and it needs to be corrected by people like us, if we could change even one person’s mindset it’s one more step toward our dream society.

#metoo is not gender specific, this can happen to any gender and we need to listen to the stories of victim. I am sad that we live in a society where making it listen to victims without dismissing their story is a task, taking actions against abusers is next step. Sexual harassment is gruesome crime and leaves scars on the person for life. At this time, it is important for us to believe them and try to make it even for them, they have suffered enough, we should not add to their misery by asking questions like why they are coming out after 10-20 years or there must be something they are trying to get out of this. It could be true in few of the cases, some people may do such things for fame but all don’t. We, as society, should be focusing on what happened and if it is right or wrong instead of giving importance to things like when it happened, in which industry it happened or what’s hidden agenda of victim.

If you people are wondering that why so long? We live in patriarchal society where a women voice has been suppressed for years. Even in 21st century, there is group of people trying to dismiss victims, imagine how it must have been for them to talk 20 years before. Wasn’t it difficult? Through Social media and #metoo movement, they now have a platform to talk and seeing other victims talk, they are getting courage to do so. They have a hope that society is changed and people will finally listen to them. Imagine you are partying with your friends on Friday night, one person tells how his boss is making his life hell or tells about some travel experience, and others join discussion sharing similar experiences, right? It is as simple as that, think of #metoo also as – just a group of people sharing their experiences now in a large group. This should answer why they all are coming now and at once. Is it too difficult to listen to them and taking actions or starting investigation accordingly to find truth instead of saying – ‘Behti ganga me hat dho rahe hai ye log’? Or ‘this happens in Bollywood’. Yes it happens not only in Bollywood but in all industries; it happens everywhere there is group of people living together, not just workplace, this happens even at ‘Home’. We should say this happens, we should say this happened and this should not happen. If Sexual harassment happens to anyone, at any-time or anywhere, it is and was and will be wrong.

Again I want to emphasize, I am sharing this with you all in a hope to make you see what’s important at this moment. It had been difficult in India to talk about something remotely close to sex, be it sex education or sexual orientation or sexual harassment. I really believe we are moving toward society where we are sensitive enough to identify that it is OK to talk about sex. By decriminalizing section 377 recently we have moved one step further. I expect same with #metoo movement, If not new laws are made to prevent sexual harassment or to take strict actions against rapists and harassers, at least this should change mindset of people who still don’t seem to understand what’s right and what’s wrong and the concept of consent.

Also sharing below image to understand what’s considered as Sexual Harassment. Let’s be aware of this so that such things will not happen to – us or to others or by us unintentionally. Let’s make our workplace safer!

IMG-20181011-WA0034

Unsolicited Advice 05 : Get inked!

Getting tattoo is still a taboo in our society. And I am also no exception to this, as a teenager I was also not in favor of those who got inked. I used to think that such people are too bold and they must be rebel and shallow. Why do they want to get inked, is it even necessary? I never thought I will get a tattoo one day. But as I grew old, I realized that there is nothing wrong with getting inked. I met people who got inked and they were very different from what I thought they would be. They were responsible, sensitive, polite and everything I assumed they will not be. This changed my perspective. I also got one tattoo for my husband recently, It was surprise to him and I don’t think it’s irresponsible or shallow decision. I love that tattoo , I love how it will always be there with me, carved on my body like love for my husband carved on my soul and it shows my confidence in our relationship. When I decided to get inked, my mom absolutely hated the idea and she never wanted it to happen. I generally don’t advice my readers to disappoint their parents, but remember you only live once. Unless you believe in reincarnation 😀

Unsolicited Advice : 04

Recently I gotta travel for some urgent personal work. The trip was short – 2 days only, unplanned and it was 12 hours journey. I have 2 year old son and traveling alone with him was not a good idea. Specially as he was down with cold, I didn’t want to make things for him worst so I left him with his father and went alone. Let me tell you this was the first time I left him like this and I was also concerned if he will be able manage without me or not. But he is used to my husband and my husband is also very comfortable to handle toddler. So I for the best of my child, decided to leave him with his father for 2 days.
On this almost all people I know reacted like How could you do that? Few were genuinely concerned and others just couldn’t digest that I am leaving my child like that. I don’t understand why people jump to judge parents if they do something slightly different from what is expected of them to do. As working woman I face this a lot. People always ask if I leave my child in day care and then how can I stay away for 8-9 hours from him. Not all are same though. Other working woman does understand the pain of leaving child away and does support. But directly indirectly people judge you with such mean comments. I have become strong enough in these years that such comments doesn’t bother me anymore. And I am writing this to support all mothers out there, who gotta leave their child with family/friends for some or other reason. I know that as a mother you don’t like to be away from your child and given chance you will spend more time with him/her. So ignore people commenting mean things and think of a positive outcome that your child will become independent of you which is good for you both. You know the best for your child.

Unsolicited Advice : 03

Guys do you believe in karma? I started believing in Karma from today morning.

I was driving to office this morning and as usual there was traffic. We were on small lane and were moving forward slowly. One girl on bike was talking on mobile and she wasn’t using headphones. So basically she was holding mobile with the help of her shoulder and was driving at the same time. Obviously she was not focused and missed one pit on the road and girl behind her also missed it. They were imbalanced for a second but then managed somehow. One person pointed to the girl that – ‘ madam don’t talk on mobile.’ And the girl talking on mobile is like – ‘I  am going by side, what’s my mistake if the person behind misses pit. ‘  We were all not impressed with her attitude but couldn’t do anything. As she proceed talking on mobile , exactly after 3 minutes she slipped and fell down. And no one stopped to help her and she deserves it. Instant karma 😀 Fortunately she wasn’t injured. Can you imagine how embarrassed she must be. But She was still talking on mobile, I don’t know what was so important?!

How difficult it is to stop and then take a call? If you are in hurry or something at least you can use headphones. So don’t try to do stunts, it can be harmful for you and other innocent people. Karma is watching!

Unsolicited Advice : 02

Do not write diary! When I was young, I used to write diary and specially when I was angry or sad or disappointed. This is very harmful habit if you live in India. Indian parents doesn’t believe in the complete idea of space and privacy. If by chance they get access to that diary which they eventually get one day – you are screwed. This habit has created so many controversies in my life 😓😓.

Ok jokes apart. I agree writing diary helps to take your emotions out and makes you relax, but things you write can be very nasty because you were that angry while writing it. They are temporary emotions, you wrote it in the fit of anger or the intense emotion you were feeling at that time. It doesn’t mean you literally mean that or want that or feel that. You write vulnerable things and if someone reads it, they will not be able to understand you. They will get some impression of you but now you are changed and doesn’t feel that way. This creates misunderstanding. Even try to read your old diary and you will see how different you feel for each event or person now.

So avoid writing something in fit of emotions. And if you love writing, then at least burn the pages/diaries afterwards. I learned this Lesson hard way though.